Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
