i already hear my dad disowning me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want nice things and good sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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