my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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