So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
