We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
