He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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