Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
