You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
