Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
