She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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