Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Small penises have feelings too.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
