1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
