so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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