nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
