Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
