I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
