he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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