sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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