those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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