i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
