so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
