I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
