i permit you to call me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
