I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
