the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
