Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
