I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
