the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
