I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
