ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
