i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
