I just pynch a tree in the face
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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