TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
