Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
