I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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