the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
