This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
