How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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