Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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