So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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