Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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