I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
