i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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