I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
