Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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