We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
