I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
