so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
