Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
