belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
